Simple but Deep Thoughts.

I was talking to a special someone tonight via email and he made the comment that he loved how simple but deep some of my thoughts were and it got me to thinking and i realized i think A LOT!

Sometimes i over think things but some of the simplest thoughts you have really are the deepest ones.

I think its almost like the simple pleausres in life... they are the ones you enjoy the most.

{Source}

Single Girl Swag :)

Single Girl Swag: A Very Beautiful & Sexy Lady Who Is Enjoying The Single Life & Living It Up!

This my friends is my new outlook on the single life. Im going to get a serious grip on it and then RUN!

Its been about a month since the break up and things are getting better each day.

I can honestly wake up now without that morning after the break up feeling and be happy.

I was really starting to think i was going to be one of those girls who jumped from one relationship

and into another just so i didn't have to be alone but im starting to realize i can control it.

Im starting to realize im happier single right now because i can focus on me and getting myself back to

where i need to be and where i was before both financially, physically and mentally.

When you dont have to worry about the drama and stress of a new relationship its a lot easier to do.

Now im not saying im not going to ever find the right guy and start something, im just saying that i 

want to wait until im put back together and made whole again before i attempt anything.

As far as the lonely factor... it passes in time. Sure you will have nights where you cuddle up with your

dog, cat or for some your pillow but its OK! If thats what helps you cope with everything then do it.

I can honestly tell you that i still cuddle up with my pillow to take his place but you soon realize that you 

would rather it be the dog, cat or pillow then him because if it were him you would have all the same

bull$h!!t as before and no girl wants that when theyre trying to move on.

Another thing that has helped me realize all of this is the amazing friends and family that i have

standing behind me and supporting me every step of the way. If you surround yourself with positive 

things the good vibes then you will start having positive thinking will get you through and help you be happy.

Until Next Time....

When God Called You Home....

It has been a long two weeks and i have been a horrible blogger. I am writing this post as a vent and to let everyone know that my little angel didn't make it into the world. It has been a long journey since Christmas Day...

On Christmas day i knew i was pregnant and i started spotting but i didn't worry about it to much because everyone said it was normal and nothing to worry about. It spotted on and off for a few days until Tuesday rolled around and i woke up and seen there was more blood than just spotting and it was bright red. It sent alarm bells ringing through my head so i woke my cousin up and we went straight to the ER. When we got there they confirmed my pregnancy with my HCG levels being raised and they did an ultrasound and couldn't see anything so they figured it was to early to see anything or i might be miscarrying. After a few exams they figured out i wasn't miscarrying but they had a small fear of it being an ectopic pregnancy but they weren't sure because my tubes looked clear. We did find out that i was rh negative and that i needed a rhogam shot. A little while later they gave me the rhogam shot and sent me home and told me to follow up with an OBGYN they referred me to.

The next day i woke up and i still had the bleeding so i decided not to wait and go straight to the obgyn after i got my medicaid insurance card. I will be honest and say i DID NOT like that doctor at all... he was very pushy rude and jumped to way to many conclusions and really stressed me out more than i needed to be stressed. So after talking to a good friend of mine she referred me to her doctors and spoke very highly of them. So i made appointment for that Friday and as soon as i walked in and met my doctor i felt instantly relieved because she was open, honest and listened to my concerns and explained every option to me and told me everything that would happen with each one. Slowly we ruled out miscarriage, and a normal pregnancy sadly but we were able to discover finally that the baby was in my tubes a week later and thats when they sent me straight to the ER to get it taken care of.

My cousin takes me straight to the er from the doctors office where my mom meets me there and they automatically start doing blood work, a follow up ultrasound and they confirm it is an ectopic pregnancy and since my numbers where so high they couldn't give me the shot to dissolve it so they had to do emergency surgery. I cried from the time they told me i would havet o have surgery all the way to the operating room and then they put the mask on me and i dont remember anything but waking up in recovery and feeling empty.

I feel so selfish for taking the baby's life like that but i had to save myself and it was really for the better because it turns out i had cysts that kept busting in my tubes and caused scar tissue which caused the ectopic pregnancy and we couldn't see the baby in the tubes before because i had a 5 cm cyst sitting on top of it. So needless to say it was a blessing in disguise and i did wind up losing my right tube but the doctor said that i still have my left tube and its perfectly healthy and fertile and i will be able to have babies as soon as im ready to without a problem.

Its going to be a long road to a full recovery emotionally but i will get there in time and the physical recovery is going along nicely for now i go to the doctor on Wednesday to get a check up and then a follow up in two weeks for post surgery. This is the most stressful and emotional roller coaster i have ever been on in my entire life.